I wrote this poem in 2012 and reflecting on it 8 years later, every word is still etched in me. The last few days have been hard and I have relied on my faith to help me make sense of it. Seeing Black bodies threatened and murdered only to be paraded online is like an open wound that repeated has salt rubbed in.

When I can’t find the worlds to speak, I find comfort in poetry. This poem could have been written today.

Against All Odds

Saddened and confused

i seek refuge in my lord

not knowing when my answer will come

but believing that it will.

Prayer… my only armour

Against this feeling…

awkward

and alone

in space

nothing to mark its beginning

or mark its ending

yet certain

that this is a mark of affliction affection

that mark of an enemy’s humbleness in war

that panting breath that I too often seek to rescue

my mother raised me to be compassionate

and considerate

so I take heed

at my own cost

and I take leave

for my own loss

is that I have lost myself in this whirlwind of a life

can’t discern my left from my right my wrong from my right I’m left here to write

I see my mother smiling and not far enough in the distance

just above recognition

And I remind myself

that I will not play catch up for the rest of my life

I will commit to greatness and no longer wait

as my mother watches and wonders

Why I don’t call on her much more for help

I instead hold myself in place and remain

motionless but walking

silent but talking foolishness

I wish I could sing a song so sweet

and nourish the weak and young at the same time

and with the same lives lines

I whisper the words of my Lord

as I lay my head in preparation for a brief death

Praying for fairer skies, tranquility and rescue

I rush towards success…like infants suckle at breasts

engorged with love

courage and love

forgive and love

forget and love

I now know love

loving my enemies a bit more then my companions

loving my insecurities and bit more till they vanish

i’m fit for this challenge, perfectly damaged

I have faced this before

my face to the floor

screaming I surrender

my face to the floor

screaming I surrender

my face to the floor

screaming I surrender

my face to the floor

not knowing

this was the closest I had been to my lord