I wrote this poem in 2012 and reflecting on it 8 years later, every word is still etched in me. The last few days have been hard and I have relied on my faith to help me make sense of it. Seeing Black bodies threatened and murdered only to be paraded online is like an open wound that repeated has salt rubbed in.
When I can’t find the worlds to speak, I find comfort in poetry. This poem could have been written today.
Against All Odds
Saddened and confused
i seek refuge in my lord
not knowing when my answer will come
but believing that it will.
Prayer… my only armour
Against this feeling…
awkward
and alone
in space
nothing to mark its beginning
or mark its ending
yet certain
that this is a mark of affliction affection
that mark of an enemy’s humbleness in war
that panting breath that I too often seek to rescue
my mother raised me to be compassionate
and considerate
so I take heed
at my own cost
and I take leave
for my own loss
is that I have lost myself in this whirlwind of a life
can’t discern my left from my right my wrong from my right I’m left here to write
I see my mother smiling and not far enough in the distance
just above recognition
And I remind myself
that I will not play catch up for the rest of my life
I will commit to greatness and no longer wait
as my mother watches and wonders
Why I don’t call on her much more for help
I instead hold myself in place and remain
motionless but walking
silent but talking foolishness
I wish I could sing a song so sweet
and nourish the weak and young at the same time
and with the same lives lines
I whisper the words of my Lord
as I lay my head in preparation for a brief death
Praying for fairer skies, tranquility and rescue
I rush towards success…like infants suckle at breasts
engorged with love
courage and love
forgive and love
forget and love
I now know love
loving my enemies a bit more then my companions
loving my insecurities and bit more till they vanish
i’m fit for this challenge, perfectly damaged
I have faced this before
my face to the floor
screaming I surrender
my face to the floor
screaming I surrender
my face to the floor
screaming I surrender
my face to the floor
not knowing
this was the closest I had been to my lord
